Childcare, Beer, Clothes
Childcare:
Danes have an odd view of childcare: mainly that it ends as soon as possible. Some egotistical sociologist might claim that Danes have an oddly dichotomous practice of childcare, but we would just claim that it makes no fucking sense. From an early age Danish children are taught to be self-sufficient: hordes of un-watched children running throughout the Metro and S-tog, holding hands, is a common sight. Danish mothers enjoy a very ‘hands-off’ approach to their children, which manifests itself in many ways, some of which are quite literal.
Example 1: Danish children/babies are often left outside stores while their mothers shop. They sit quietly in their little bike carriages and do not run away! A Danish woman tried this in NYC some years ago and promptly got arrested for child abandonment. When one of us mentioned this to our host family, they were puzzled. ‘But there’s only a wall separating them!’ they exclaimed. ‘Plus, it’s not like anyone’s going to…*laugh* steal a baby.’ How refreshingly wonderful it must be to be a citizen of Danish society! There are no baby snatchers!
Example 2: We were at our fabulous disco gym and decided to go lift weights. We encountered two Danish men doing what people in the weight-room do: lift weights. It was a seemingly non-interesting observation, until the man doing chin-lifts on a bar took a break, and when he turned around we realized he had a baby strapped to his chest. He continued the entire work-out with said baby attached, and him and his friend acted like it was the most normal thing in the world. What is this, the baby bjørn work-out?
Beer:
Danes are impressive drinkers. In fact, through serious research *burp* we discovered they are ranked #7 in the world, consuming on average 96 liters per resident per year. (And as we are enjoying a fantastic term away from Carleton, we’re not going to provide a citation for that statistic, so SUCK ON THAT MLA!) Standing in Copenhagen and looking for beer is like standing in NYC looking for Starbucks: a 10 meter radius should provide you with multiple opportunities to enjoy a beverage. And the lovely, lovely laws on drinking, which not only allow 16 year olds to drink beer, also allow public drinking in streets! while using transportation! pretty much fucking everywhere! and boozed up 7/11s.
Beer manifests itself in every aspect of culture. KortDane’s* host parents swear the secret to the best Danish pancakes is heaping tablespoons of beer, and the best part, they exclaim, is you can drink the rest while cooking pancakes! Danes think no time is ‘too early’ to drink, evidenced by their morning schnapps, and beers in hands can be found as early as mid-morning, but beware the drunken bike riders.
Fashion:
Anyone planning on coming to Denmark and wondering what to wear is advised to dress as if you’re going to a highly trendy funeral. Black is color of choice…black is the new black, the old black, the only black. A cold, rainy climate calls for layers, and Danes prefer knit scarves and ‘snoods’ (scarf hood combo) so large it can be hard to see their faces. Here’s a situation you might frequently encounter:
Girl 1: Yo, check out that hot Dane over there.
Girl 2: Cute clothes, but he could be a ‘butterface’, and I would never know. Damn these BFS.**
Danes also wear of a lot of trendy sneakers, but evidently the nation is afraid that at any moment there might be a rabid poison ivy attack because everyone tucks their pants into high socks. ???
Or, speaking of pants, you could just not wear any, instead substituting tights for pants and wearing a large shirt that barely covers your butt with 3 layers and a snood and a leather jacket and a cute black knit hat and some knee socks tucked into wedges with casually tousled ‘bed head’ hair and call it a day.
*Our other nickname.
** Big fucking scarves.
